So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
There's even glitter on my cock...
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
