just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
