Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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