sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Randomize