I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
