You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
