is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
