I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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