I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
