My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
