He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
