if only i could text you this smell
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
