she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
