i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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