Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
