all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize
