I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
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Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
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We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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