Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
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