would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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