Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
