Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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