The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
