someone get that fucking seahorse.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I don't deserve a penis
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
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