We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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