i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
