he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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