its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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