Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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