I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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