burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
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