Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
My penis needs a shock collar
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
