Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
