my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
jump out the window naked night went bad
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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