that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
