the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
