I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
