you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
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