Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
