3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I need to calm my uterus...
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize