im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
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You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
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He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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