last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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