Well douche your snatch and let's go!
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
