Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
