Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
