Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
