One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
