and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
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