i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
