dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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