why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
