Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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