Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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