Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
