he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
