woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
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(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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