Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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