instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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