he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
