I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
